EateN
by Stevethebarbarian
Summary: This is a good hefty crossover taking place (vaguely) in the universe of High School of the Dead. Included canons currently include Parysite, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and Portal, but they may expand in the future. With the undead tearing through the world's population, who could possibly hope to survive?


Takashi Komuro was having a pretty good day, all things considered. Now, don't get me wrong, by most metrics it was quite the bad day. He'd sprained his ankle, gotten into an argument with his girlfriend, and had been bitten really fucking hard by a dog. Oh, yeah, and the entire world was being devoured by the undead. In hindsight, that's really the worst thing that happened that day, but murdering hordes of undead tended to put things in perspective.

Despite all this, though, he was honestly having a good day in his opinion. They'd found a gas station that was still stocked, allowing them to refill their Humvee's nearly-empty gas tank, they'd scrounged some extra bullets off of some corpses, and they even managed to find another empty home that had still been stocked with food. It was a wonder that the electricity was still working at this point, three days after sixty percent of the world's population had died in a matter of hours, but the Japanese government was still trying its damndest to pretend that the world hadn't gone to shit. He supposed he had to be grateful for that. He'd heard they hadn't even reported news of this apocalypse to the parts of the world that weren't directly affected.

Even better, the girls were out of clean clothes again, and while they were washing them, it was right back to wearing next to nothing. Of course, the seven-year-old Alice was still around, so he and Kohata had to keep their reactions muted. But they were doing fairly well in most respects, and Takashi had to be thankful for that.

* * *

Shinichi Izumi was having a very, very bad day. Not six goddamn months since the government had shut down the parasites that had attempted to devour humanity, it was the humans themselves who were walking around and chowing down on their flesh. This was, at least from his perspective, more infuriating than it was terrifying. He'd fought the parasites, superhuman powerhouses that could move at subsonic speeds and could actually masquerade as human beings. Compared to that nightmare, these zed were the equivalent of undead snails. The main problem was that he had to protect his girlfriend Murano in the process, which was far easier said than done. She was far from stupid, but she was helpless in situations like these. His task would be an impossible one if it weren't for the parts of him that were... less than human.

He'd told her the story after a while, of course, though she was never entirely sure if she should believe him. How one of the parasites had tried to eat and replace his brain, and how he'd managed to stop it from doing so, only for it to take over his hand instead. How he developed a symbiotic relationship with the parasite, naming it "Migi," after the fact that it was his "left" hand. Perhaps a name that lacked in creativity, but he'd never claimed to be the most creative one. However, after a near-death experience that resulted in Migi temporarily joining another parasitic organism, he had decided to hibernate, getting a new "perspective" on the world and reality in general. Thankfully for Shinichi, who typically went by "Shinji," Migi's cells had been scattered through his body, leaving his human body far faster and stronger than it had been before.

As he ducked and dove between hordes of the undead, using a lead pipe as a weapon to smash their skulls and clear a path for he and Murano to escape from, this was on his mind. How it was no doubt the result of his experience with the parasites he was dealing with this so well.

This was also what distracted him, leading him to grow overconfident, inattentive. It was what almost cost him his life as one of the zed grabbed his arm with inhuman strength, trying to bite down onto his neck. He knew full well by now that anyone who was bitten by one had no chance of survival. He was in no mood to turn into a mindless shambling corpse- he'd come close enough already.

Unfortunately, it looked like he might not have much of a choice. These undead were weaker than him, but still much stronger than average humans, and that fact made it ridiculously difficult to escape from ones grip in such an awkward position. He twisted around, nailing the zed with a punch with all the strength he could put into it, and this proved extremely successful. He felt its soft, partly rotten skull crack and collapse underneath his fist. Its hand went limp, releasing him, but it'd thrown him off-balance, stumbling helplessly backwards and into the wall of a house behind him, causing him to let out a loud grunt, getting the attention of the zed around him. One stepped forward, sped up by its own weight, its jaw opening.

He threw up his arm to try to block it, knowing even a scratch was certain death. "No!"

And then, his eyes closed in the most fear he'd felt in six months, he felt... nothing? Opening his eyes, he saw his hand twisted into a terrible caricature of a human limb, musculature and tendons extending, before ending in five solid, shining blades that pierced the zed's skull, killing it instantly. An eye blinked at him from the back of his hand.

"Shinji... You almost got us killed. You promised me you wouldn't let us die, remember?"

"Migi..."

Shinji grinned.

"You smug bastard, it's good to see you again."

"Good, it would be inconvenient if you wanted me gone. Now, explain what's going on here."

* * *

"Hayato! Shinobu! Get indoors! I will stop them from coming any further!"

Kira Yoshikage wanted nothing more than to live a quiet, uneventful life. This idiotic apocalypse was making that next to impossible, and he couldn't stand it. One of them was getting too close, if it kept approaching him, he would have no choice but to... damn it!

"Killer Queen!"

His feline Stand appeared before him, tapping the tips of its fingers against the undead's head. With a twitch of his thumb and a muted **click,** the creature violently exploded, leaving not so much as a speck of dust where it once stood.

His wife gaped at the sight, having already sent her son Hayato inside.

"K-kosaku! How did you do that!?"

"I cannot explain now, Shinobu! I have an 'ability' that allows me to defend you, Hayato, and myself, but for now you must get inside and avoid them! One bite means certain death, so you cannot risk anything! Lock the doors, I will use my key when I need to enter! Stay safe, and I will explain everything when I'm done!"

With a shaking nod, tears in her eyes, Shinobu Kawajiri turned and rushed inside her home, slamming and locking the door behind her.

Kira Yoshikage was furious. Up until today, the only thing keeping him from getting good sleep was his worry that he would be found by the meddlesome brat Josuke Higashikata and his allies, and punished for his crimes. Now, he had endless hordes of the undead and a pandemic plague to worry about. At this rate, it'd be weeks or months before he could sleep soundly again. Perhaps, though, it was possible that one of these things could kill Josuke, Jotaro, or one of the others. If that was the case, perhaps some good _could_ come of this.

I almost forgot to mention, Yoshikage Kira was a serial murderer. His fetishistic desire for the severed hands of beautiful women led him to kill on an approximately monthly basis. It was what made it so difficult for him to successfully live his quiet life, but damned if he was going to let that keep him from living in peace. No, quite the opposite! This apocalypse would cause chaos he could use to even easier get away with murder!

Luck would always side with Yoshikage Kira!

* * *

 **"Remind me again how you convinced me to put my trust in human beings?"**

Chell shrugged, frowning slightly. Usually she'd take a comment like that as an opportunity to make a joke at GLaDOS' expense, but in this case, she couldn't think of anything funny. From all the feeds of the outside world they could get from Aperture, it was obvious that things were really, really bad.

She chose her words carefully before she began signing them for the AI's cameras.

 _I know they're not doing well right now, but this won't be their extinction. They'll live through this and be stronger for it, even if most of them don't._

 **"Most of them already haven't. I'll admit my sample size isn't 100% of humanity, but from what I can observe, it's most likely that the human death toll is already approaching 80%."**

 _If my opinion means anything, at this rate, I think about 15% of humans on Earth will survive by the time all of the undead are... dead again._

 **"That seems like a fair enough estimation."**

She paused, and they were both silent for a moment, before GLaDOS' core turned, its yellow eye narrowing at her.

 **"Oh no. Don't even think about it. I know that expression, and you're planning to go out there and help them. I'm telling you, do _not_ do it! I won't let you back in if it means risking letting some of them in too!"**

Chell flashed a smug grin at the AI, before signing again.

 _Yes you will._

 **"... quiet. I don't have anything to fear from them, and you do. It'd be stupid for me to shun you because of them."**

 _Isn't it stupid for you to have me here anyway?_

 **"No. I need to keep someone around with** **opposable thumbs."**

Chell rolled her eyebrows, sticking her tongue out at GLaDOS' core.

 _Do we have any guns around here?_


End file.
